It came to my attention, recently, that there is a name for the stage of life we’re in at my house and it is the launching center phase. The launching of children to be exact. It’s a classic image… the rocket on the launchpad, the engines fire, the countdown begins and liftoff! The process of making it to liftoff, however, is not always so easy or simple. The launch phase may last for many years depending on the number of children you have. It is a thrilling time but it can be stressful and exhausting as well.
The Launching Center Phase begins when the oldest child leaves home and ends when the youngest child leaves home
In 1957, Dr. Evelyn Duvall published a textbook in which she defines 8 stages in the family development life cycle:
- Beginning family (no children)
- Childbearing (having and adjusting to an infant)
- Families with preschool-aged children
- Families with school-aged children
- Families with teenagers
- Families as launching centers
- Families in the middle years
- Aging families*
The launching center phase begins when the oldest child leaves home and ends when the youngest child leaves home, thus arriving at the beginning of the empty nest phase. When our youngest child went off to college for freshman year people would comment, “Oh, you’re an empty nester now”. I didn’t really feel that way, though. Our kids were both in college and somewhat out of the house but yet I didn’t feel like I had an “empty nest”. They would come home for the holidays, a long weekend once in a while, and summer break. It didn’t feel permanent. I felt, well, unfinished.
Challenges
This phase can be extraordinarily stressful at times. There are new experiences for everyone. Anyone who has survived a freshman move-in day can tell you how stressful that can be. Your home may feel disorganized and unsettled with kids moving in and out. You may be worried about the decisions your young adult children are making at the same time that you need to let them begin making their own choices. You may want to protect them from making questionable decisions that you made at their age. There can be financial concerns. There may be a painful separation. It’s a life phase where you’re kind of in limbo. You are all so busy preparing for the next steps while trying to successfully get through this phase of the family.
The Outcome
The outcome everyone is working toward is the same… a happy and fulfilling life for your child, a successful launch. But like everything in life, the way we get there can be different. Some kids are ready to fly, know exactly the course they are going to set and all systems are go. Others may be more unsure, the navigation system still needs a little more work. We can be there as a support system and give them guidance the best that we can.
It is an exciting and celebratory time time. There are graduations and other milestones. These kids that you’ve nurtured for the last 18 or more years are growing up and just beginning to build a life for themselves. Pat yourself on the back every once in a while, it’s been a long haul. And hang in there. When our youngest child graduates from college and is employed and settled, that’s when I think I will feel like the launch cycle is truly complete. The rocket lifted off, all systems were go and the rocket is not crashing back down to earth. We will always be there for our kids the best we can be. They won’t have all the answers right away, no one does, but I’m willing to hand over the controls to the astronauts now. It’s their turn to fly.
*Reference: http://extensionpublications.unl.edu/assets/pdf/g2124.pdf
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