According to statistics from the Family Caregiver Alliance, over 34 million Americans have provided unpaid care to an older adult in some form over the last 12 months. Close to 75% of those caregivers are women. The average caregiver is 49 years old and spends over 24 hours per week giving care over a period of 4 years. Obviously, these numbers don’t paint a picture of what your circumstances might be. Everyone is dealing with their own unique situations. But, if you are caring for an aging parent, know that you are not alone.
When you’re caring for an aging parent you take on many different roles.
As a caregiver, your roles may include those of cook, errand runner, dresser, bather, medicine dispenser, laundress, bookkeeper, chauffeur, healthcare mediator and of course, companion. This is an emotionally complex and sometimes physically taxing responsibility and you need to make sure you get the physical rest and the emotional support that you need, as well. Most of you are juggling other responsibilities as well, with your own children, your work, your own health or other issues. You care for your aging parent because you love them and want their needs to be met. But, it is vitally important for you as a caregiver to realize you also have needs. If stress renders you with your own health problems, you will not be able to continue to provide the level of care that you want your parent to have.
Sometimes You Live Farther Away
My mother always wanted to be able to stay in her home. She took out long-term care insurance many years ago, thankfully. This allows her to have a certified aide come to her home most days and help her with whatever she needs that day. Fortunately, I have a sister who lives close by, too. She does our mother’s grocery shopping, handles her finances, helps her with any appointments she has and a multitude of other tasks. I am grateful every day that my mother has her there. Sometimes, like me, you are a long-distance caregiver. There are times when I travel and spend a week caring for my mom. Sometimes, we will arrange for her to come spend time in my home. Surprisingly, more long-distance caregivers report experiencing emotional stress than those living closer to or in the parent’s home (Family Caregiver Alliance). One of the reasons for that must be that it is so easy to feel guilty, like I do, that I am not there more. My sister tells me not to feel guilty but I have a hard time with that. And I’m sure I’m not alone.
There is Help Available
If you do feel like you need assistance (and it’s okay if you do!), there are many resources available now to assist caregivers themselves or to help the aging parent. You can find many for-profit companies online with services that you or your parent may need. But, there are many federal/national programs like Family Caregiver Alliance, Eldercare Locator and The National Institute on Aging that fund programs specifically to help caregivers. The programs themselves are often run through your local county government. So, I suggest you search for resources in your own county. Search simply:
- (Your County Name) Caregiver Resources or
- (Your County Name) Aging Resources
In my area I found a vast Family Caregivers Support Program, a massive caregiver resource directory, a Senior Companion program, information about adult day cares and respite centers and a multitude of phone numbers for you to call if you need help for yourself or with any aspect of your parent’s care.
Take Care of Yourself, Too.
We want our parents to be as happy and healthy for as long as they can be, but as a caregiver, don’t neglect yourself. On a daily basis make sure you are taking time for yourself. Take a walk, do deep breathing exercises or start meditating. Talk to a partner or a friend to vent if you need to. Laugh when you can. Take a break when you feel your anxiety or stress level creeping up. And if you need outside help for yourself or if you have questions about your parent’s care look for answers. Help is out there. And by the way, you’re doing a great and important job.
Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a comment below.
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